


Butter on Rye

by achievemenhunter



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: but it's not like it's more ridiculous than that Tangled AU I wrote a few years ago, correction: I have some regrets, yes this whole thing is based off of a stupid pun and I have no regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 11:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10019699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achievemenhunter/pseuds/achievemenhunter
Summary: Yes, the joke is exactly what you think it is.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of a short one for once, just under 700 words long. It’s nice to remind myself that I can write some shorter-form stuff, too.
> 
> The best part about this fic is that it can either be read as being shippy, or just as the sort of regular banter they have in videos. The fact that they’re all comfortable enough with one another that they’re completely okay with making the sort of jokes they do about each other just makes me happy.
> 
> So, to the fic. Content warnings for sexual references, mentions of dick-sucking, etc., but no actual smut or touching (lame, I know).

Ryan let out a sound that could only be described as a growl when Gavin killed his Minecraft character for the fifth time in the past fifteen minutes of recording. 

"Gavin, I swear to god, you keep pulling this shit, I'm gonna gouge your fucking eyes out."

This earned him a few startled laughs and half-hearted reprimands for being creepy, but the rest of the Achievement Hunters were largely used to his antics by now. Gavin giggled like a three-year-old that was winning an argument with an adult by virtue of being more annoying than anything else. 

"The vinegar!" Michael shouted in half-singsong, grinning. 

Ryan muttered something largely indecipherable, apart from the odd word about replacing lost items _yet again_ and several undisguised threats of murder. He gave vent to an aggravated sigh. "Well at least I didn't actually have anything important."

"Aw, weak," Gavin complained quietly. Ryan ignored him. 

"What was it that I still needed, Geoff?"

"Uh, think you just had sugar to go."

"Thought Achievement City'd run out of sugar cane?"

"Oh, it has," Jeremy informed him. "Gavin somehow managed to get the last fucking piece. Why d'you think Michael and I've been trying so hard to find him and kill him? He'd be long dead if we still had our goddamn maps." He looked over at Gavin now. "Seriously, can you just give Ryan the sugar so we can call it a day already? We've been playing this for _well_ over an hour now. I wanna go home."

Gavin's smile seemed almost unnaturally wide, eyebrows wriggling. "I'll give him some sugar if he gives me some."

"Jesus Christ," Michael laughed, shaking his head. 

"I'm just…" Jeremy sighed. "I not gonna even try anymore. Geoff, can I just leave?"

"No. You have to suffer with the rest of us."

"That's it," Ryan declared, "I'm gonna start pulling your teeth out with rusty pliers too." 

Jack winced. "Why've they got to be rusty?"

"I dunno, authenticity?"

"What?"

"Don't question his methods, or you'll be next," Michael warned him, trying to sound serious but failing to keep the laughter from his voice. 

"Thank you, Michael," Ryan said primly. "I'll spare you 'til last." 

Gavin decided to take control of the conversation again. "Ryan, maybe if you're nice to me, I'll let you have some."

"Be nice to you?" Ryan spluttered. "You murdered me half a dozen times, you asshole!"

"I'm giving Ryan full permission to murder the shit out of Gavin," Geoff announced, and the others laughed at Gavin's sudden squawk of protest as Ryan's character chased after his. 

Then Gavin pulled out a diamond sword and promptly killed Ryan once more. 

"…Goddammit. Forgot he had that."

Geoff shrugged, defeated. "Tried your best, buddy."

Ryan glowered. 

Gavin gave him a shit-eating grin, raising an eyebrow in a manner that for some reason Ryan found offensive. "Going to butter me up now, are you, Rye-Bread? Get it? Butter on Rye-Bread?"

Jack booed the joke from where he was sitting.

"God I hate you."

"Are you, though?" Gavin persisted relentlessly, grin growing impossibly wider.

Ryan scowled darkly, his onscreen character coming to a halt as he spun in his chair to glare at the Brit. "Gavin, you keep at this and I'm going to stuff your mouth so full of butter, you'll suffocate."

Jack all but choked on his own shocked laughter. " _Jesus_ , Ryan."

"Well, now it's official, Gavin's gonna be sucking Ryan's dick," Geoff drawled.

"That's not where I was going with it," Ryan replied, "but if he's not careful, he will be."

"I feel threatened," Gavin whined.

" _I_ feel threatened and he's not even talking to me," Michael added. "Hey, Rye-Bread, is Gavin giving you a blowjob when his mouth's still full of butter, or…?"

"Well, I mean, it _would_ act as a lubricant, so…"

"Yeah, but then your dick's gonna be covered in butter," Jeremy chipped in. 

"Fair point," he conceded. "Clean-up would become a bit of an issue. I could just force him to eat it all, though."

"I don't like this conversation anymore," Gavin muttered, and the rest of the Achievement Hunters broke out into a fresh burst of laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> What no I didn't write this because of a pun that I definitely wasn't still laughing at several minutes after I thought of it what are you talking about


End file.
